Imagine the reaction your wife would have if you greeted her on Valentine’s evening with a bouquet of flowers and announced, “Happy Valentines Day! I got you these because I had to.”
Or maybe you greet her with chocolates instead, declaring your love, “I love you dear, I got this for you because it’s the social norm.”
Not the best reaction? How about getting both and declaring, “These are for you, my beautiful sweet! I saw them and immediately thought about how you would show your love to me if I got them for you.”
Can you not picture a good reaction to those declarations? I know it wouldn’t go well in my home, yet that is exactly how marketers tempt us to by flowers, candy or any number of things this Thursday.
Now, I have nothing against buying chocolate or flowers for your loved on – I don’t even find Valentine’s day offensive…but love to our wives should be unconditional – not with the expectation of something in return, not because it’s an obligation, and not because society expects it.
What our wives want from us, more than gifts, is our hearts. They want to know that we love them, that we are and always will be there for them, and that we are looking out for their interest above our own. As you think through what you are going to do for Valentine’s day, consider adding these to your list:
Pray for her
If you want to have the best relationship with your wife that you can possibly have, both your life and hers need to be focused on God. As you seek his will for you, lift her up as well. You will find that your expectations of her will diminish and you will discover that it is Him that ultimately fulfills your desire.
When you arrive home from work (or when she does), be home mentally as well. Her about her day, enjoy seeing her again. Think about typical greetings by pet dogs or cats…don’t be the cat. Think back to when you were dating and couldn’t wait to see her again…why not greet her like that again?
It can be difficult to leave work behind, so use the ride home - whether it’s an hour commute, a 5 minute ride, or a walk from the other room – to decompress and leave work behind.
Like it or not, you, as the husband, are the spiritual leader which means that the things that happen in the home are your responsibility. You can delegate task but not the responsibility. So the things that happen may not be your fault, but they are your responsibility. It’s easy to assign blame, especially to our wives. It’s what society expects.
How many times habe you heard, “Sorry we’re late…but you know how women are.”
When you do that, you’re delegating your responsibility and weakening the respect your wife has for you. Even if it IS her fault, be her advocate and never paint her in a bad light.
Wives: If you’d like to read a similar take about husbands, check out 5 Ways to Serve your Husband